“Whitney is not able to penetrate...”

FSN Pittsburgh gets its shit back together just in time to see the Columbus highlights. Apparently Columbus heard our pep talk and tied the game up 5-5. Nash and Umberger scored, I'm definitely happy. Until the third when Franzen buries it behind Mason. Columbus took seven fucking penalties, way to stay out of trouble. They came back twice from two-goal deficits, they were playing good hockey. They played good, kept it exciting, but still got swept. It's definitely disappointing, but there is always next year.

I don't know why this looks so awkward to me.

Ducks and Sharks

So apparently there was an earth quake during the first intermission. It was probably just Miro Satan opening the gate of hell to go home for the night. No biggie.

I missed the first period due to my general not caring of this series. I only care for one thing and one thing only, and thats Mr. James Wisniewski. My notes from this game generally consist of Wiz notes, so bare with the random inserts of Wiz love.

How can you not love him?!

Back to the game, Anaheim is all over the place. They are creating chances left and right. Just as I write that down, Getzlaf makes a beautiful pass and Bobby Ryan sends the puck sailing into the back of the net. Beautiful goal by Ryan. There was one down side to this goal, Ryan Whitney assisted. I hate this man for so many reasons. He is on a four game point streak, making me cringe at the sound of that. Why much Whitney perform well when the Pens don't? What the fuck Whitney, stop playing well. You're making it hard for me to hate your dirty ass.

There was a hit along the boards, causing the glass between the benches to shatter. Glass is every where, on the ice and on the benches. Apparently the Refs don't see it and play continues. Whitney gets hit, bringing a huge smile to my face. Gosh, do I love when he gets hit. The Refs finally see whats going on and stops play. Versus goes to a long ass commercial break, and then back to the studio with those three douche bags. I'm clearly confused, and not paying attention. I wasn't sure if it was a intermission or not. But Versus sends us back to the arena, where they are still fixing the glass between the benches. The announcers make a horrible “Ryan Connection” joke. Noting that Bobby Ryan, Ryan Getzlaf, and Ryan Whitney all had points on that goal. This is just a reminder of why I hate Versus and think Bob Errey should commentate every hockey game ever watched.

LOVE BOB ERREY

Game resumes and all of the sudden the whole arena is celebrating. Me, being an idiot, is thinking 'wow, they are really excited to see the glass get fixed.' Then I see Bobby Ryan's mug on the screen, and 'second goal of the night' underneath. Right off the face off, Anaheim is making things work. Wiz decides it's time for him to take a penalty. Holding on Wiz, cheap call. The game slows down after Anaheim kills the penalty. My attention span is small, so I quickly get distracted, only to realize I might be just as stupid as the Versus announcers. It finally dawns on me that Bobby Ryan can get a hattie.

The Sharks take a penalty with 1:42 to go. They kill off the first half. End of period.

The Sharks come back and kill the penalty to Marleau. Now, this is where my notes get a little crazy. The next thing I have written is ' Wiz is adorable, please come home?!'

I miss you Wiz, you look so good in red.

Versus are sucking Whitney's dick hardcore at this point. Pointing out his four game point streak, over and over again. Really, way to make my night worse. Thanks Versus.

Jonas Hiller is a fucking wall. Way to show up kid.

His eyes are amazing, by the way.

I had to put this picture in, due to his face.

Oh, Getzlaf, you need to check the players, not fart on them.

Now, by this time the game is about five minutes from being over, so I'm not really watching. Then I hear, probably the best thing to ever come out of the Versus announcers' mouths...

“Whitney is not able to penetrate...”

To all those girls, OK well to that one girl, out there who experienced this also with Whitney. Don't worry sweetheart, it's not just with you, Whitney can't get it up for anything.

Dirty.

Correy Perry scores, totally putting a win out of reach for the Sharks. Wiz is a mad man and is determined to get Hiller the shut out by basically laying down on the ice and absorbing the pucks. We love you Wiz, and this is just one reason why. Not to mention your overly priced clothing line.

There is a bit of a scrum in front of the net. Hiller is smart and gets the hell away from it, protecting the puck in his glove still. Someone should tell him that he doesn't have to keep the puck when the whistle blew. Whitney somehow gets into the middle of the scrum, and I'm literally on my knees praying for someone to engage this man in a fight. I'm disappointed once again tonight. The clock is winding down, Miller fires at an empty net and scores.

Ducks win it 4-0.

Hero of the game: Three way tie.

One: James Wisniewski, for being Wiz. We really miss you.

Two: Jonas Hiller for being a fucking wall in the net and getting the job done. And for having fucking amazing blue eyes.

Three: Ryan Whitney, I really appreciate him being there for me to make fun of. It means a lot after a loss to come home, turn on the TV, and be reminded that things could be much worse...Whitney could still be a Penguin. Thank god for Ray Shero making the first smart move of his career.

Rangers can get it done tonight, sending Ovie back to Russia. Come on Rangers, we got this.