“Whitney is not able to penetrate...”

FSN Pittsburgh gets its shit back together just in time to see the Columbus highlights. Apparently Columbus heard our pep talk and tied the game up 5-5. Nash and Umberger scored, I'm definitely happy. Until the third when Franzen buries it behind Mason. Columbus took seven fucking penalties, way to stay out of trouble. They came back twice from two-goal deficits, they were playing good hockey. They played good, kept it exciting, but still got swept. It's definitely disappointing, but there is always next year.

I don't know why this looks so awkward to me.

Ducks and Sharks

So apparently there was an earth quake during the first intermission. It was probably just Miro Satan opening the gate of hell to go home for the night. No biggie.

I missed the first period due to my general not caring of this series. I only care for one thing and one thing only, and thats Mr. James Wisniewski. My notes from this game generally consist of Wiz notes, so bare with the random inserts of Wiz love.

How can you not love him?!

Back to the game, Anaheim is all over the place. They are creating chances left and right. Just as I write that down, Getzlaf makes a beautiful pass and Bobby Ryan sends the puck sailing into the back of the net. Beautiful goal by Ryan. There was one down side to this goal, Ryan Whitney assisted. I hate this man for so many reasons. He is on a four game point streak, making me cringe at the sound of that. Why much Whitney perform well when the Pens don't? What the fuck Whitney, stop playing well. You're making it hard for me to hate your dirty ass.

There was a hit along the boards, causing the glass between the benches to shatter. Glass is every where, on the ice and on the benches. Apparently the Refs don't see it and play continues. Whitney gets hit, bringing a huge smile to my face. Gosh, do I love when he gets hit. The Refs finally see whats going on and stops play. Versus goes to a long ass commercial break, and then back to the studio with those three douche bags. I'm clearly confused, and not paying attention. I wasn't sure if it was a intermission or not. But Versus sends us back to the arena, where they are still fixing the glass between the benches. The announcers make a horrible “Ryan Connection” joke. Noting that Bobby Ryan, Ryan Getzlaf, and Ryan Whitney all had points on that goal. This is just a reminder of why I hate Versus and think Bob Errey should commentate every hockey game ever watched.

LOVE BOB ERREY

Game resumes and all of the sudden the whole arena is celebrating. Me, being an idiot, is thinking 'wow, they are really excited to see the glass get fixed.' Then I see Bobby Ryan's mug on the screen, and 'second goal of the night' underneath. Right off the face off, Anaheim is making things work. Wiz decides it's time for him to take a penalty. Holding on Wiz, cheap call. The game slows down after Anaheim kills the penalty. My attention span is small, so I quickly get distracted, only to realize I might be just as stupid as the Versus announcers. It finally dawns on me that Bobby Ryan can get a hattie.

The Sharks take a penalty with 1:42 to go. They kill off the first half. End of period.

The Sharks come back and kill the penalty to Marleau. Now, this is where my notes get a little crazy. The next thing I have written is ' Wiz is adorable, please come home?!'

I miss you Wiz, you look so good in red.

Versus are sucking Whitney's dick hardcore at this point. Pointing out his four game point streak, over and over again. Really, way to make my night worse. Thanks Versus.

Jonas Hiller is a fucking wall. Way to show up kid.

His eyes are amazing, by the way.

I had to put this picture in, due to his face.

Oh, Getzlaf, you need to check the players, not fart on them.

Now, by this time the game is about five minutes from being over, so I'm not really watching. Then I hear, probably the best thing to ever come out of the Versus announcers' mouths...

“Whitney is not able to penetrate...”

To all those girls, OK well to that one girl, out there who experienced this also with Whitney. Don't worry sweetheart, it's not just with you, Whitney can't get it up for anything.

Dirty.

Correy Perry scores, totally putting a win out of reach for the Sharks. Wiz is a mad man and is determined to get Hiller the shut out by basically laying down on the ice and absorbing the pucks. We love you Wiz, and this is just one reason why. Not to mention your overly priced clothing line.

There is a bit of a scrum in front of the net. Hiller is smart and gets the hell away from it, protecting the puck in his glove still. Someone should tell him that he doesn't have to keep the puck when the whistle blew. Whitney somehow gets into the middle of the scrum, and I'm literally on my knees praying for someone to engage this man in a fight. I'm disappointed once again tonight. The clock is winding down, Miller fires at an empty net and scores.

Ducks win it 4-0.

Hero of the game: Three way tie.

One: James Wisniewski, for being Wiz. We really miss you.

Two: Jonas Hiller for being a fucking wall in the net and getting the job done. And for having fucking amazing blue eyes.

Three: Ryan Whitney, I really appreciate him being there for me to make fun of. It means a lot after a loss to come home, turn on the TV, and be reminded that things could be much worse...Whitney could still be a Penguin. Thank god for Ray Shero making the first smart move of his career.

Rangers can get it done tonight, sending Ovie back to Russia. Come on Rangers, we got this.

WE DON'T GOT THIS!?

Before I get started with tonight’s recap, I’d like to point something out that really probably should have already been announced. I’d like to take this time to say that everything that we do or say that you recognize from Puck Huffers is not intentional. Think nicknames, or made up stories about what we know the guys do in their off time. The reason this blog was started was because we like the way the talented chicks over there do things. We’re not trying to be like them, nor do we want to be. Individuality is key, sweethearts. We all read their blog religiously, and apologize to both them and the readers if anything is repeated. It’s not that we’re meaning to ‘steal’ the things they rightfully came up with, it’s just after reading them for so long, things just kind of sick. We respect any of their decisions if they choose to contact us with a problem.

Alright, on to the recap.

It seemed like it took for-fucking-ever for the clock on my wall to reach 6:30. I sat down with my 55 ounce bag of Reese Cups and turned on pregame.

Game four. Man, is this a huge one. Either we got this, or we don’t. We’ll see.

Everyone across America (including my mother, who is in Cali) watching cringes slightly when we’re informed that Sykora will not be playing tonight. Our bodies break out into a full shudder of fear when we’re told that Letang is probably not taking the ice either. Satan in. Stan Savran takes this time to tell us how much of a disappointment Miro is. Poor man. It’s okay, Miro, I have faith in you. Unfortunately, they keep us waiting on the final word for Kristopher. “It’s a game time decision.”

Bob Errey’s Power Points informs us that the guys will need to press the importance of sacrifice, discipline, and first goals to win this game. Oh gosh.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SORRY TO SAY, BUT FSN PITTSBURGH HAS MOMENTAIRLY CHANGED TO FSN PHILADELPHIA FOR PREGAME.

From this point on, Penguins fans found it hard to hold down their food. Three Scott Hartnell interviews in a row, some Knuble and some more Head Coach John Stevens. The Flyers officially took over our pregame. I’m pretty sure we saw more of Scott Hartnell’s double chin than we saw any penguins.

Luckily, Head Coach Danny heard our cries and broke that up for his interview with Danny Potash. But, no new Tanger news, at this point, we all know that he’s not playing tonight. Even though tomorrow is his twenty second birthday. Happy birthday, sweetheart, get some rest and we’ll see you soon.

START GAME.

The white out makes me want to cry. It’s a fucking masterpiece of brilliance.

The game starts out pretty simple. Both teams are looking good, and the goalies on both ends are facing shots.

Does anyone else find it funny that the first time Boucher touched the puck, he was offside? Anyway.

I once again have Jstaal’s unit written down a million times. The third-first line is looking pretty awesome. TK is a madman tonight. They’re looking hot. They want this. We got this, even Bob Errey loves that line. That’s pretty damn compromising. “The Carter unit can’t handle the Staal unit.

Kennedy missed an open net, but that’s okay. The fans are deafening and the wave of momentum seems to be building by the second.

The Pens get called on a delayed penalty. It took them over a minute to touch up. Staalsy takes the first penalty of the game for roughing. He’s not worried. He knows there are potential bitches in that box for him to pimp. He knows our kill has been epic.

Killed. The second Hartnell touched the puck, Pittsburgh booed him. This is the appropriate time to link you to this video.

Crosby’s looking good. He always comes out big in huge games. He got our backs. So much that he draws a penalty to get us some gorgeous shots at the net Biron is guarding. No dice. Killed. The PP has been down lately, like its suddenly missing Whitney or something. Buck up, sweetheart. We have a damn series to win. Captain Cros is tearing up in the faceoff circle, which makes everything seem alright afterall.

The end of the period runs out with a huge hit on Briere.

Once again, that amazing FSN commercial featuring pretty boy Kristopher Letang makes me feel at ease. Even if he’s not playing, he can take a break from his intense game of Cranium with Mario to be with us in spirit.

SECOND.

I seem to be the only one who found it amusing that they showed both TK and Staalsy at the same time, chewing their mouth guards, and the fact that Malkin got kicked out of three faceoffs already. Whatevs.

While some effortless puck battling behind the cage by Eaton-park and Boucher was going down, JStaal mans the net before making his way back there to show them bitches who is boss. Top defensive player, what?

Cue FSN Pittsburgh to suck at life. The black screen failed to tell any of us what was going on. At this point, both Liz and I are freaking out. After finally getting the radio feed, I get there in time to hear “No goal.” Later, I am told that Sir Evgeni Malkin was robbed of a goal. Whatevs.

Next thing we know it, I’m on the phone with my mom screaming about how Lupul just scored. This is FSN’s fault, damnit.

0-1 Flyers.

FSN doesn’t get it’s shit together until the second intermission, just in time to show us a Maxie interview. He knows what’s up. I’d like to point out that the feed went out at 8:08, and didn’t come back until 8:42. Fuck that shit.

Paul Alexander, who I might add that I hate with a fucking passion, gave us the scores of the other games around the league. He also pronounces ‘Brodeur’ incorrectly. Faggot.

The intense Malkin commercial always makes me smile. The music is pretty cool, and his skating is stellar. Random. It’s whatevs.

THIRD.

Scuds goes off as soon as the period starts. Ugh. We’re only down by one, we can do this, right?

I have ‘Fleur is BEAST!’ crossed out pretty damn viciously.

0-2 Flyers.

The Pens got extremely sloppy at this point and so has my writing. Bare with me, I can hardly read it. Fifteen minutes. We have time to get sharp and win, right?

Direct quote from my notes:
“CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR.
Way to put that home ice advantage to waste.
Man, I miss Colby.”

I am now informed that the FSN studios in Atlanta was hit by lightning. Oops. I suddenly feel bad for bitching so damn much. Oh well.

Bob Errey tells us about a “Christmas tree like” glove dryer. Nifty. At this point, this is the only interesting and non-frustrating thing to blog about. Stay with me.

Gonch makes a killer play. Batting the puck with his gloved hand straight to Geno’s stick, they had no choice but to not touch the puck. The Flyers also refused to touch up, wanting to force the Pens into touching it to draw the whistle. So Gonch decides to just go get it him damn self. Problem solved. What a vet.

The Pens are picking up their play, but nothing seems to be going their way. Biron’s rock solid.

Wham bam, thank you ma’am. Knuble. With a little over six minutes left.

0-3 Flyers.

“WE ARE FUCKED.”

Eaton goes to the box for whatever. Cros gets pissy and slashes up some caddie. 5-3.

Only 8% of the time is a team able to come back and win in this situation. Thanks for killing what little hope we had left, Steigy.

Scuderi is still a mad man on the two man advantage for the Flyers. He doesn’t give up. What a man.

Timonen off for whatever he did to Staalsy while Jordo drove to the net for a shorthanded opportunity.

Philly’s got hope. They’re not going to give up on this series. If the Pens don’t win this in the next game on Saturday, we’re screwed.

Cros goes off again for crosschecking to defend his boy, Geno with 30.4 seconds left. Whatevs.

0-3.
Pens lose. Shut out by the Caddies.

It’s Whitney’s fault, damnit.

FML.

This loss is like getting your new born baby taken away from you forever. It fucking sucks. We were all ready to party after the game in celebration of the home team moving on to round two.

Bonus FML : I almost burnt down my house with 15 seconds left on the clock. My house is still smoky.

Double Bonus FML : I burnt my fucking hand and it hurts like a bitch.

We need to get this in six. We can do it. Don’t think too much about this game and get ready for game six. We got this.

Go Pens.

p.s. I'll add pictures from the game tomorrow. Maybe. The press is slow tonight. Caddies.

Rangers

Columbus and Whoeverthefuckthatotherteamis.

Yeah, sorry I don't speak of them, unless its an entire rant about how much I hate them. I am not Sidney Crosby, I cannot lie to you and tell you that I put last years loss behind me at the start of this season. Sidney is a stand up guy, therefore, hes fucking amazing with the media, and pretending hes being honest and is as cold as stone. Sorry Sid, you are just too smooth for me.

Anyways, Columbus, Ohio, my neighboring state, has just witnessed its first home playoff game. Sorry it was a loss, keep the hope alive, boys. I have faith in you. My hometown boy will pull us through, isn't that right, RJ? Yeah I know you will. I have this thing for underdogs, we all do here at this blog. It pulls on our heartstrings, which clouds our vision, and we temporarily think Rick Nash is the new sexiest man alive. Thank god that's a temporary feeling. We all love Columbus here, Rick Nash, RJ Umberger, Steve Mason, and Antoine Vermette steal the show for us. OK, so enough about my excessive love for the Blue Jackets. They come into last night's game, down the series 2-0. You would think the boys would step their game up, but they disappoint. (Welcome to my eternal optimist time. ) It's alright boys, you can make history. Just win the next four games and you got it. I believe in the Jackets, I just hope they believe too.

ThepeopleIdontspeakof, win tonight's game. If Columbus was on their A game, then they would be making a great run. It's alright boys, we still have this. Fuck you, other team, fuck you. Columbus comes back late in the third to score a power play goal. Good job RJ! Umberger scores, Nash and Williams assist, all is good. Then Detroit gets an empty netter I believe, and the game is over. But, like I said before, I am the eternal optimist for the Jackets. WE got this boys.

This man believes, a little small there buddy, but good try.

Now onto the Blues.

Due to the Pens game, I only caught the game from the half of the third on. So apparently four goals were scored. For the Canucks it was Wellwood and Burrows, for the blues it was Boyes and Perron. I'm not going to lie, in this series I was torn, just like with San Jose and Anaheim. I'm a Blues fan, Berglund and Oshie are the best combination ever. I just love the Canuck, they are a classy team, that has been through a lot in the past year.

Chris Mason was a fucking wall in the third, taking notes from Fleury, eh?

The camera man zooms in on Luongo doing stretches on the ice, making my mind go off on a sexually driven escapade. Then the words 'tender and gingerly' are spoken, ripping me from my fantasy. Sorry Blues, didn't mean to be a traitor, maybe if you put Berglund on the ice a little more, he'd be the one in my thoughts.

So overtime comes, and I'm all into the game. The Blues are bringing their A game, and Oshie is a monster. Hes skating beautifully, and is on a fucking mission. To bad he had trouble getting the puck to stay with him. It's OK Oshie, Lyssa still loves you.

Mason is a fucking wall again. Hes making so many damn saves I'm just praying he can hold on. Then, the blues get a four minute power play. This is our time, Blues fans, start cheering! Then, all of a sudden I get a IM from Jackie saying:

Totally getting my hopes up there. Literally two seconds later Oshie gets a huge chance, but can't complete it. As the four minute power play was a fail. Way to go boys, your on the verge of elimination, must I remind you again?! Theres fucking 19 seconds left, as Burrows gets the puck. I'm praying Mason can hold him off, taking it that his defense is no where in sight. Burrows scores. Way to get your asses swept boys. But they are troopers and salute their fans. They are one classy team those Blues. If any one had to score, I'm glad it was Burrows. I love him, his first goal of the season that he celebrated the way Luc Bourdon did, always makes me cry. That was one of the saddest/cutest things I've seen in my life. I love Burrows.

Canucks win it. Blues get swept. My heart breaks slightly.

We'll get them next year boys. Keep your heads up.

Last nights games were decent, all I watched was the Rangers and Caps. Sorry this is short, but I have the Pens game in two hours. I need to get to my pregame ritual, aka swooning over the pregame on FSN.

Once again, my boy Avery is getting molested. Dear Washington, not matter how much you touch him, doesn't mean hes going to crawl in you bed tonight. Good try. Varly is making decent saves, and then three seconds later giving up goals. Rangers score, no one knows who to give it to. They changed that scorer three times. Sorry Naslund and Dubi, it's going to Mara.

Period two comes around, and I'm feeling pretty optimistic that the boys in blue are going to pull this one out. Lundqvist starts making highlight reel saves, causing the crowd to chant “Henry”. I must say, King Henrik was on his game tonight. I'm too concerned with that beautiful goalie to realize that Drury just scored an amazing goal. Nice job, Captain.

Rangers defense is killing it tonight. Good job Marc, keep playing like this and you might just become the second favorite Staal, behind Jordan of course. King Henrik is closing the door left and right, sorry Semin, not this time. Way to protect your throne, Henrik.

Ovechkin scores. Hello defense, where are you? It's OK, we don't care, we still have this. That's the only goal Ovie will get this series.

Sean Avery is back to his old ways, which is the Avery I adore. Avery takes a hit on Jurcina. “Ohh fuck he's bleeding” my thoughts exactly. I was convinced it'd be a four minute, but no, just two. The crowd starts chanting “Avery”, now those are my type of fans.

I love him.

Henrik continues to dominate, Callahan misses and open net, buzzer sounds. Rangers win it 2-1. All is good.

Series is Rangers 3 – Washington 1.

Now onto something fun...

We decided to try something new. While watching the Blues game we noticed a name that stuck out. Carlo Colaiacovo. That last name is seriously one of the best. We're not saying it is the best, but its up there. We want your opinion on this. Let us know who is your top five favorite last names in the league. If the last name you like is in the AHL or OHL we might consider it. Send us a message at thethirdmanin@gmail.com

How Big is Your Knob?

If you think hockey games are dirty, you have seen nothing yet. Recently we came across a few videos that left us feeling filthier than Ryan Whitney's luffa. Thanks you, Cabbie.

So seriously,

How Big is Your Knob?

As Baldy Getzlaf would say, "Wow, that's a loaded question."

But apparently, Sidney Crosby's is "not huge, but it's not small." Aw Sid, sweetie, aren't we being a little modest? We all know you've got a big knob.


We were talking about his hockey stick....

Perverts.

If that didn't satisfy your tainted sex fantasies enough, then Flower and JStaal can do the trick.

Jordan explains to us why Marcy Marc would make such a great foward. If you don't feel like watching all of the video and finding out that Steve Mason actually has gone through puberty, fast forward to 3:25.

Man, do we love these sneaky bastards.

And obviously so does Gods.


If only to be in the middle of that bromantic hug...

It'd be even more amazing if Goddard was wearing his red pimp suit.

You work it, Gods.

"By the hair on their chinny-chin-chin!"

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Strike a Pose

Is it us or does Jonathan Toews have the tendency to strike an interesting expression in EVERY picture that is taken of him during a game?

Shall we elaborate?





Keep it fierce Jonny boy.


And some Patrick Kane to soothe your soul.

That's his concentration face. HUMMMMMMM.

Rangers 2 - Ref 1

There is nothing better than a true playoff game. The grittiness and the desperation comes out so clearly, and then the refs step onto the ice and it's all over. Taking nine penalties totally twenty-six minutes, the Rangers were killed. The refs were blowing a whistle every time Sean Avery stepped on the ice. In total he got five penalties worth eighteen minutes, causing one of power play goal.


Way before the puck even dropped, Alex Ovechkin was already being annoying. No, not by that commercial. By sneaking into a Rangers practice and sitting on the away bench. Really, Ovie, are you that scared? Psh. The Rangers won't take your childish shit. They simply call you babysitter, I mean Public Relations, and get your ass carted off the ice.

Ovie comes on the ice for pregame warm ups and it's now time for the announcers to do their mandatory rant about him, due to the clause in Ovie's contract, stating that he needs more praise than god. I officially started blocking out the game, before the opening face off.


I take my eyes off the screen for what felt like two minutes, and the Caps are up two nothing already. Semin scored twice. Lundqvist is making his saves, except his defense is failing him. The Rangers finally get a decent shot on net, causing everyone in my room to cheer, thinking that the puck went flying into the net. Wrong. Varlamov, makes some sort of save. The next great shot we get, dances across the blue line. Damn puck.


By this time all the announcers are doing is taking about Sir Semin and his quick skating, but don't forget, you need to say ovechkin five hundred times before the third period. The announcers are on a non-stop Ovechkin rant. 'He is on his game tonight' 'Hes carrying this team' Wow, who would have known.


The moment Marc Staal steps foot onto the ice, I start praying that Boudreau will let the musically gifted Semin onto the ice. No such luck, way to burst my bubble, Bruce.

Due to their constant Ovie talk, the announcers completely forgot about the game. Until Semin takes the puck into the Ranger's zone, just as realization hits the announcers. Yes boys, he has two goals, one more and a hattrick. See, you're learning. The announcers go on and on about Semin and his almost hattrick, then Henrik closes the door on Semin. It's about time, Lundqvist, keep it up. Way to jinx it versus, we appreciate it.


Rangers take another penalty, giving the Caps more time to rack up their points. Mike green places his skate onto the ice and its officially 'Kiss Mike Green's Ass' time. There is nonstop talk about Green and how he rips the puck towards the net. Oh, and apparently according to the announcers, Henrik has his eyes only on Green. Really? Then how did he just stop a shot from Ovechkin? Sorry boys, Mike Green is not your savior. Brooks Laich scores. 3-0 Caps. Fuck this.

As you've heard before, the announcers do not follow the unspoken rule of “Never say 'shutout' until the final buzzer sounds. The next announcer notes the first's blunder, and jokes about how he jinxed the poor Russian rookie. I'm praying the jinx works, no such luck, Varly is a fucking wall.


Note To Self : When your team is down, don't scream “Come on Varly, spread your legs and let one in” You will receive stares from the people around you.

Nearing the end of the third, all I want is one goal from our boys in blue. It's desperation hockey time, boys. Step it up. Sean Avery punches Erskine and Varly in the face, taking another penalty. If your going to take a penalty, this is the one to take. Avery starts bitching at the refs, making me realize that it's times like these that I want Avery as my best friend. Please Sean, I'll let you borrow my makeup.

Avery gets a interference on goalkeeper penalty, a roughing, and a ten minute misconduct. What ever, let's just get a shortie here. The game is pretty much over, only a few minutes left, so now I start to focus on the upcoming Hawks game later on in the night. Then all of a sudden, the people around me who are actually watching the game, yell “Who the fuck is Tom Poti?!” Yes, it's true, Tom Poti, Caps defense man, scored on Lundqvist. I suggest that someone remind the Rangers defense that this is the playoffs.


At least the Rangers are still leading the series.

The series is now Rangers 2- Refs 1.

Rangers in six.

Burnt Out

Had I had the ability to hijack a 747, I would fly directly to Calgary to personally kick Todd Bertuzzi's ass along with the entire team's. Douche bags. And Rene Bourque gets the honorary title of douche bag numero uno.

Note: two former hawks below.

Yes, I admit in a past life, I once loved this flaming mofo. (No pun intended) But considering his play against the Hawks in this series, I would rather have Grandpa Chelios take jelly shots off of me than even think about loving any of the Flames ever again.... for now.

Anyways, his goal was a fluke. Yeah, Khabby was soff. It bounced off his blocker and went into the net. But I think he was just trying to imitate Cristobal Huet and say to the world, "See if I was Huet, I'd let in dumb, weak goals like this one."

Aw, Khabby it's okay. You put your somewhat best effort out there, Scout. It doesn't always go your way, especially when your defense is basically nonexistent. Just get back out there and show the hockey world why they gave you the nickname The Bulin Wall, and why Huet still doesn't have one. You will always be the number one goalie of the Hawks in my heart.

But honestly, I would be completely satisfied if we can just blame every single loss we ever had on Huet, regardless if he was in the net or not. It was just because the French Croissant was there that we didn't win.

In case you haven't caught on yet, me and Huet do NOT get along. He's one of the many reasons I never became a Caps fan. And he and Campbell belong on the list of the only two Blackhawks who I would like to drive into The Middle of Nowhere, Nebraska, dig a 6 foot hole, and bury alive. I would gladly spend some time in the slammer for that.

Onto the winner of our douche bag numero dos award: Dion Phaneuf.



I went crazy for those twenty or so seconds the fight lasted screaming "Yes, Ben! Yes!" once I realized Eager was tangled up with Phaneuf. If only Eags would have decked Phaneuf in the schnoz and done us all a favor so he can finally get that mountain he calls a nose fixed. Too bad.

I was keeping my fingers crossed for another full line brawl, because we all know how the last one turned out.


Those are my bad asses. I was just waiting for Khabby to get involved in this fight and go all slap-happy Semin on the Flames... It would have completed my still youthful life.

Kaner was out of the game due to the "flu," but Coach Q insisted that he should be ready to play in Game 4. I'm just thinking that maybe Kaner fell victim to check that was a little too rattling and the Hawks just called it the flu as a cover up? Who knows. NHL teams can be sneaky bastards...

And that didn't the least bit painful ^^
But it was evident that a little bit of spunk was missing from the lineup. I miss seeing that goddamn white mouth guard that he can never actually keep in his mouth.

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B: (Sorry if it's difficult to see, but trust me it's there)


Exhibit C, even the billboards seem to agree:

I guess the point of this, is that we miss you even though you tend to look like a fifteen year old girl at times. But with the new haircut you have moved up to twelve year old boy status. At least you've achieved manhood?

You still my boy, PK. So go on and get over that "flu" that you must have gotten from whoring around or whatever it is you do on your days off. While on my free time, I am still attempting to find your precious golden locks that you claimed are on ebay.

And we need your offensive presence because Kipper owned like we were his bitches.

There were maybe about fifty almost goals as told by the announcers that Kipper here robbed. So, um...Miikka? Can we get those back? Kaythanks.

But the series is still young with a possibility of four more games, a whole bunch of more tussles and scrums, and the guarantee that the Hawks will be doing some major ass kicking. You know this loss will not be taken lightly.

Note to the Wise: If you ever, EVER, dish out another dirty hit on Tazer, you filthy assholes, I will find your current address in Calgary, and happily take an army of members of the Russian Mafia to make sure no will ever hear your name again.

And what the fuck is Miikka anyways?


Keep fighting, brohaass.

YOU GOT IT, DUDE.

Teamwork. That’s my main concern about tonight’s game four between the Penguins and the Flyers in Philadelphia. As a Pens fan, if you’re not worried, you must be on some sort of drugs that are forcing you out of the reality that playoffs are.

If the Flyers win this tonight, it’s basically a whole new series, a race to get two more wins under the belt to win over the series. The Pens need to stomp the Caddies into their home ice and take what is rightfully theirs.

If Pittsburgh has any desire to win, they are going to have to step it up in the defensive department. I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but on Sunday, every goal against had something to do with Gonchar making a horrible defensive play. In playoffs, there has to be a good defensive core on the ice, or else you have nothing. It wasn’t just last game that Gonch had a rough game, he wasn’t playing his usual in game two either. The D needs to tighten up to keep those Caddies out of MAF’s kitchen. After that, the Flower can carry us through the harsh playoffs.

This man has our back, even though the defense in front of him gets a rather sick thrill from testing him.

After the loss in game three, it wouldn’t be a surprise at all if the Penguins are down in confidence. Which is why I encourage the idea of having a Michelle outside of the locker room reminding every player that they “got it, dude.”

In playoff hockey, confidence is everything. Expecting just to go out and win against a team like the Philadelphia Flyers would be just stupid. The boys know that they are going to have to put in a good amount of effort to win series. Just remember, good things come to those who wait.

My point exactly.

But all in all, the Pens just need to work as a team like they were when Head Coach Danny first made his appearance on the scene. Just because it’s not the season anymore doesn’t mean the boys need to stop what they were doing. If they play like they did a few games back, they’ve got playoffs in the palm of their hands.

Another thing that the Pens will need to watch out for is the physical play that is sure to go down tonight. They need to keep theirselves out of those scrums that give both the fans in Filthadelphia and the players in orange momentum. Our boys need to keep it clean, and get a straight win. Show Marty Biron who's boss.

IN OTHER NEWS...

PLAYOFFS: EAST.

I didn't bother to make a playoff bracket. I simply just have my own opinions and wishes on where the series will go. I'm pretty late on this, seeing as we're already four games deep, but it's worth a shot.

Rags and Caps.

Personally, I like this series a lot. I haven't watched much of it, but I have been keeping up to date. King Henrik has done his job fairly well so far, which was hardly expected after his season ending failboat ride.

It's nice to see a showboat, puck hogging team like the Washington Capitals fail slightly in playoffs. Maybe if the Rags can keep this up, they can win it in five.

Ovechkin hasn't been producing, which is always good for the world. I'm sure if the hockey world gets to see one more amazing (aka showoff/puck hog) goal, we'll all go into cardiac arrest or something. Oh, Alexander Ovechkin, you're just too much for me to handle. Gag.

I love Sean Avery, and I really can't say that enough. With all the new rules that Bettman is enforcing, Avery has become the second sorce of entertainment for most hockey fans I know. He needs to keep up what he's doing. He's obviously a huge help to the Rags afterall.

Canes and Devs.

So maybe you don't know how I feel about the Carolina Hurricanes. I'll fill you in, and I'll make it short, sweet and to the point. Cam Ward can get his dick bit off by a dirty Raleigh hooker and I would hold no sympathy for him at all. Rat bastard.

The Debbies seem to be holding their own end after yet another end of the season failboat by an Eastern goaltender. But with the firepower that is Eric Staal, there really is nothing Marty can do to hold him out 100% of the time.

The Devils have a majority of players with career highs, and setting records. The way I see it, if they can keep their D strong and keep that ZZPOP line producing, they'll be the ones holding Lord Stanley's Cup in June.

The rest of this series will be interesting to watch. I say the Devils in six.

Bruins and Habs.

If you don't know me at all, then you probably don't know how much I hate Boston. The fans, the teams, the people. Everything about Boston makes me want to shoot myself and the small kittens that Don Cherry cuddles with at night.

So, there's your answer about who I'm rooting for to win this series. If the Habs pull themselves together and get Carey Price rolling, they've got this series easily. I still stand by my theory that Boston doesn't have what it takes to be a playoff team. Tim Thomas will fall under the pressure and ruin the Bruins' chances.

I agree with most people that the suspension of Milan Lucic was a horrible call, but the NHL has to do what they have to do to enforce the rules correctly. It's not like it really mattered that he didn't play last night either.

I have nothing else to say about this series or else I may get into a full on rant about how much I hate Boston.

We're skipping the West playoff contenders basically because I don't really follow them as closely. Unless we're talking St. Louis. But as for the Calgary Chicago series, I have to input at all. So don't ask.

I'll be back later tonight to recap the Pens game. I promise that one won't be as much of a bullshit post as this one was. Stay tuned, and tell your friends about us fine ladies.

Go Pens.