WE DON'T GOT THIS!?

Before I get started with tonight’s recap, I’d like to point something out that really probably should have already been announced. I’d like to take this time to say that everything that we do or say that you recognize from Puck Huffers is not intentional. Think nicknames, or made up stories about what we know the guys do in their off time. The reason this blog was started was because we like the way the talented chicks over there do things. We’re not trying to be like them, nor do we want to be. Individuality is key, sweethearts. We all read their blog religiously, and apologize to both them and the readers if anything is repeated. It’s not that we’re meaning to ‘steal’ the things they rightfully came up with, it’s just after reading them for so long, things just kind of sick. We respect any of their decisions if they choose to contact us with a problem.

Alright, on to the recap.

It seemed like it took for-fucking-ever for the clock on my wall to reach 6:30. I sat down with my 55 ounce bag of Reese Cups and turned on pregame.

Game four. Man, is this a huge one. Either we got this, or we don’t. We’ll see.

Everyone across America (including my mother, who is in Cali) watching cringes slightly when we’re informed that Sykora will not be playing tonight. Our bodies break out into a full shudder of fear when we’re told that Letang is probably not taking the ice either. Satan in. Stan Savran takes this time to tell us how much of a disappointment Miro is. Poor man. It’s okay, Miro, I have faith in you. Unfortunately, they keep us waiting on the final word for Kristopher. “It’s a game time decision.”

Bob Errey’s Power Points informs us that the guys will need to press the importance of sacrifice, discipline, and first goals to win this game. Oh gosh.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SORRY TO SAY, BUT FSN PITTSBURGH HAS MOMENTAIRLY CHANGED TO FSN PHILADELPHIA FOR PREGAME.

From this point on, Penguins fans found it hard to hold down their food. Three Scott Hartnell interviews in a row, some Knuble and some more Head Coach John Stevens. The Flyers officially took over our pregame. I’m pretty sure we saw more of Scott Hartnell’s double chin than we saw any penguins.

Luckily, Head Coach Danny heard our cries and broke that up for his interview with Danny Potash. But, no new Tanger news, at this point, we all know that he’s not playing tonight. Even though tomorrow is his twenty second birthday. Happy birthday, sweetheart, get some rest and we’ll see you soon.

START GAME.

The white out makes me want to cry. It’s a fucking masterpiece of brilliance.

The game starts out pretty simple. Both teams are looking good, and the goalies on both ends are facing shots.

Does anyone else find it funny that the first time Boucher touched the puck, he was offside? Anyway.

I once again have Jstaal’s unit written down a million times. The third-first line is looking pretty awesome. TK is a madman tonight. They’re looking hot. They want this. We got this, even Bob Errey loves that line. That’s pretty damn compromising. “The Carter unit can’t handle the Staal unit.

Kennedy missed an open net, but that’s okay. The fans are deafening and the wave of momentum seems to be building by the second.

The Pens get called on a delayed penalty. It took them over a minute to touch up. Staalsy takes the first penalty of the game for roughing. He’s not worried. He knows there are potential bitches in that box for him to pimp. He knows our kill has been epic.

Killed. The second Hartnell touched the puck, Pittsburgh booed him. This is the appropriate time to link you to this video.

Crosby’s looking good. He always comes out big in huge games. He got our backs. So much that he draws a penalty to get us some gorgeous shots at the net Biron is guarding. No dice. Killed. The PP has been down lately, like its suddenly missing Whitney or something. Buck up, sweetheart. We have a damn series to win. Captain Cros is tearing up in the faceoff circle, which makes everything seem alright afterall.

The end of the period runs out with a huge hit on Briere.

Once again, that amazing FSN commercial featuring pretty boy Kristopher Letang makes me feel at ease. Even if he’s not playing, he can take a break from his intense game of Cranium with Mario to be with us in spirit.

SECOND.

I seem to be the only one who found it amusing that they showed both TK and Staalsy at the same time, chewing their mouth guards, and the fact that Malkin got kicked out of three faceoffs already. Whatevs.

While some effortless puck battling behind the cage by Eaton-park and Boucher was going down, JStaal mans the net before making his way back there to show them bitches who is boss. Top defensive player, what?

Cue FSN Pittsburgh to suck at life. The black screen failed to tell any of us what was going on. At this point, both Liz and I are freaking out. After finally getting the radio feed, I get there in time to hear “No goal.” Later, I am told that Sir Evgeni Malkin was robbed of a goal. Whatevs.

Next thing we know it, I’m on the phone with my mom screaming about how Lupul just scored. This is FSN’s fault, damnit.

0-1 Flyers.

FSN doesn’t get it’s shit together until the second intermission, just in time to show us a Maxie interview. He knows what’s up. I’d like to point out that the feed went out at 8:08, and didn’t come back until 8:42. Fuck that shit.

Paul Alexander, who I might add that I hate with a fucking passion, gave us the scores of the other games around the league. He also pronounces ‘Brodeur’ incorrectly. Faggot.

The intense Malkin commercial always makes me smile. The music is pretty cool, and his skating is stellar. Random. It’s whatevs.

THIRD.

Scuds goes off as soon as the period starts. Ugh. We’re only down by one, we can do this, right?

I have ‘Fleur is BEAST!’ crossed out pretty damn viciously.

0-2 Flyers.

The Pens got extremely sloppy at this point and so has my writing. Bare with me, I can hardly read it. Fifteen minutes. We have time to get sharp and win, right?

Direct quote from my notes:
“CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR.
Way to put that home ice advantage to waste.
Man, I miss Colby.”

I am now informed that the FSN studios in Atlanta was hit by lightning. Oops. I suddenly feel bad for bitching so damn much. Oh well.

Bob Errey tells us about a “Christmas tree like” glove dryer. Nifty. At this point, this is the only interesting and non-frustrating thing to blog about. Stay with me.

Gonch makes a killer play. Batting the puck with his gloved hand straight to Geno’s stick, they had no choice but to not touch the puck. The Flyers also refused to touch up, wanting to force the Pens into touching it to draw the whistle. So Gonch decides to just go get it him damn self. Problem solved. What a vet.

The Pens are picking up their play, but nothing seems to be going their way. Biron’s rock solid.

Wham bam, thank you ma’am. Knuble. With a little over six minutes left.

0-3 Flyers.

“WE ARE FUCKED.”

Eaton goes to the box for whatever. Cros gets pissy and slashes up some caddie. 5-3.

Only 8% of the time is a team able to come back and win in this situation. Thanks for killing what little hope we had left, Steigy.

Scuderi is still a mad man on the two man advantage for the Flyers. He doesn’t give up. What a man.

Timonen off for whatever he did to Staalsy while Jordo drove to the net for a shorthanded opportunity.

Philly’s got hope. They’re not going to give up on this series. If the Pens don’t win this in the next game on Saturday, we’re screwed.

Cros goes off again for crosschecking to defend his boy, Geno with 30.4 seconds left. Whatevs.

0-3.
Pens lose. Shut out by the Caddies.

It’s Whitney’s fault, damnit.

FML.

This loss is like getting your new born baby taken away from you forever. It fucking sucks. We were all ready to party after the game in celebration of the home team moving on to round two.

Bonus FML : I almost burnt down my house with 15 seconds left on the clock. My house is still smoky.

Double Bonus FML : I burnt my fucking hand and it hurts like a bitch.

We need to get this in six. We can do it. Don’t think too much about this game and get ready for game six. We got this.

Go Pens.

p.s. I'll add pictures from the game tomorrow. Maybe. The press is slow tonight. Caddies.